Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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