Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
