It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
