Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
