I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
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