Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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