Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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