these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
