um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
