dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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