He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
