I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
