just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
