i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
only you would photoshop your dick
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So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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