she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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