JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
