we made out on top of his cat.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
