my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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