drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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