sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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