I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
