Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
