You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We are all done wearing pants today
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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