Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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