i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
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why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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