PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
