I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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