barbara walters just said penis...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
soo... how was my night?
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