I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
