dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
