3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
