I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
