His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
