She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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