margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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