My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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