If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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