I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
