i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
