Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
