my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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