i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
