hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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