I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
