Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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