I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
