was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize