she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
