I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
