Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize