can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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