somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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