I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
