I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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