i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
