your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
