.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
