hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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