i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
