how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
