:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His hands were made for my vagina.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
